Context

con-text -- (noun) the set of circumstances or facts that surround a particular event, situation, etc.

Context can be locked in place with a memory in detail or be conveniently omitted. The worries I have now were not the same five years ago, and they will not be the same five years from now. That comes with being human. Context shapes our memories and decisions, yet can have little bearing on the actual event.

It's a shame, but it's necessary.

The Beliefs of Others

So what do I make of it? Hearing someone's beliefs? It's been so long since anyone asked me how spiritual I was and whether or not I was "on the same page." It doesn't matter if I'm on the same page, though. We're all on our own journey.

It is interesting to hear what others believe. Secretly I do want to share mine with others, but as always, it's a bad idea for me to wear my heart on my sleeve. Inevitably I get burned. I'm scared of being laughed at, rejected, or even worse, ignored. If only humanity felt as I do. As I long to be understood, how much do I understand?

What drives me to understanding?

Intuitive Surfing

Most of the weekend I seemd to be in tune with others. Several times I mentioned something before it happened--a phone call, what someone was going to say or do. I also felt unnoticed--in a good way--for a while. I felt perfectly natural in everything I did. I don't remember doing anything differently that might have triggered it. I only remember feeling...correct. I didn't feel out of place or insecure for once.

Reality is like an ocean, and we are all floating in it. We are pulled by currents, creating eddies when there is a greater significance. But what if you could master a wave? What if you were so in tune with it that the line between wave and surfer didn't exist? Who's controlling who? What would it feel like? But...waves usually exist near the shore, and they end on the beach. They dissolve and become part of the ocean again. Does the surfer get another chance?

Love's Reality

Why is fabricated love so appealing? It comes from the imagination. It isn't real.... Yet, it is. We find part of our own love within it. The lovers carve another aspect of our emotions, and in turn they take on a part of our will. It doesn't matter if their flesh is real. Their love exists, if only in daydreams.

Passions

The "guilty pleasures" I indulge in fulfill or express a part of myself that I don't otherwise give in to much. The best example I can give is my love of Christopher Hall's band "The Dreaming." His music is decidely emo and full of lyrics that ache for love. While I don't empathize with most of the lyrics (anymore), I enjoy the music and emotion that he puts into the music. His energy and sincerity is what I really enjoy. Each word he sings is genuine, and I saw it plain as day on his face when I met him.

Christopher Hall and Trent Reznor are struck from a similar mold. They are truly passionate about what they do. As a fan, I enjoy the intricacies of their music and songs. I even find it cathartic to sing along, but in the end, it's their life. This raises a question that I've danced around for years: What am I passionate about?

Passion: a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music. (What an appropriate example.)

Now, understanding that passion is exemplified through an enthusiasm and desire for something, it is assumed that I might be passionate about the activities I enjoy the most depending on how strongly I feel for them. While I love music, and it is often the bridge of my comparisons, it does not fill my every waking thought. Musicians eat, sleep, and breath music. I simply enjoy it.

The definition of passion does claim "anything" as the object of passion. The question could also be posed as: What do I desire?

That question is one that I can answer:

I desire mental states and activities which put me closer to fully understanding my potential and purpose. I desire understanding and wisdom. The activities that aid me in this desire include: self-improvement, listening, learning, guiding others.

It may make me sound a little like a tree-hugging hippie, but I really do feel this way in my heart. Simply, I want to understand and be understood, and in turn help others to do the same. I want to help them understand where they come from, where they belong, and where they are going. Without the journey, it would all be meaningless. I want to be a guide.