The Choices We Make

"There's only one thing in life you can be sure of: you will die. Once you are born and take your first breath, you begin to die. You have to be prepared at all times." While several of my coworkers scoffed at the 70-year-old contractor for blatantly spouting the "fact of life" as he called it, I smiled thoughtfully in my office. I knew he was right.

One of the young ladies was taken aback and proclaimed, "How negative! I don't think of life that way." "You might want to start thinking about it.You might even go before I do! I'll be ready to go when my time comes." This came from a man who has worked almost every day in his adult life. "You people who work here need vacations. I don't need 'em, cause I don't work. If you don't enjoy what you do, it's work. I enjoy what I do so it's not work. Life is beautiful." After several more minutes, the lady received a phone call, so the contractor said his goodbyes. She protested, but he insisted that he had to continue on with his day. He told her in one last jibe, "I'll be going so you can have a good day." True enough, I think she'll have something to think about the rest of the day.

This is one of the last places I expected to hear this type of conversation. But of course, at the end of the day, anyone can be enlightened. There is always a choice.

Need to Let Go...Again

Boy, did I get upset yesterday over nothing. Thankfully, an article I read this morning gave me the perspective I needed to regain-- "The Illusion of Need". I let my happiness be determined by the outcome of something I have no control over. For a short while I was even worried that I had been ignoring problems when the truth is that I was inventing problems to worry about! I became stuck on something that I had no control over instead of concerning myself with what I can definitely control: my attitude.

Focus: I will remember to enjoy the moment that I am in. I will pour my passion into creativity and exploration. I will be present and let go of the attachment of how things need to look. When an outcome does not go as planned, I will not suffer. I will face the unknown with love because there is nothing to fear.

To Remember Love and Light

For a while now I've been reading many articles by Erin Pavlina. Recently, several of her articles as well as other experiences I've been having have all just clicked. I can relate to a lot of what she has written, and I find myself inspired and validated by her blog. We are here to learn, grow, and experience. We are all connected. We are all part of the same whole. When we die, we return home to the rest of our higher self (yay!). Memories are hidden from us behind a barrier while we are here. (It's normal, not malicious.) I've always felt the gravity of good and evil and desired to help good control balance.

I know that I am here to help others remember. Remember love. When I was an adolescent, on what I thought was a lark, I remember thinking that I was put here "to help others know love." Periodically I've thought about that, always feeling differently about it. At first I thought it was romantic love (teenagers, sigh) which lead me to desire--after a horrible break up--shutting myself away in a box so that I might never hurt anyone again. I fell into such a deep depression that it took me a while to let myself be loved after that. My self-esteem was shattered, and I felt lower than the lowest living thing possible. I fell into a rebound relationship thinking I was ready to be loved again by someone who seemed knowledgeable on matters of the spirit, but I almost went too far with the relationship. I almost walked willingly off a cliff into the arms of something negative and undesirable. During that relationship, I found the soul I had really been looking for, and it turns out I had known him for years.

That experience opened my eyes to many memories that I'd been looking for. Those memories and my purpose had been seeping through to me for years, but I had brushed much of it off discounting its relevance. It's even taken me over six years to prepare myself to discover my true purpose. I had to raise my state of consciousness to better reconcile the information I remembered. I used to feel worried, isolated, even arrogant and self-righteous at times because I remembered memories from a past life.

Now I know that it's more important than ever to love unconditionally. It's what I've chosen before, and I want to do it again. Even if I can only reach one person the rest of my life, I want to help them remember the love that is with them. It will be a slow process as I'm not sure yet how I will reach people, but I am confident that I can live my outer life congruently with my inner life.

Focus: I vow to do my best to love unconditionally and live consciously. I resolve to forgive myself and others for mistakes and continue to share love and postive energy. We are all here to learn and grow, and I will do what I can to live up to my potential and help others to do the same as they walk their own paths.

Escapism!

There. I said it. It's been creeping up on me again this week. The fantasies are always the same: A series of unlikely events or actions lead me to become close with an unlikely person. But is it really so unlikely? Just today I read about letting go. If I let go of fear and believe that any outcome is possible, the world becomes much more positive and inspiring. Nothing is impossible! But... It also means that I have to let go of my fantasies and go with intuition instead. I want to be more understanding, but fantasies are such a nice, warm blanket when the rest of the world is cold... In the end they are nothing more than future scenarios that did not come true (there's no sense in changing the past), even if they are far-fetched.

Letting Go

I find it is becoming easier to let go. Over the past few weeks I've begun to exclude many non-important activities in favor of more fulfilling pursuits. My routines are far from perfect, but I've felt much more congruent internally than I have compared to the past few months. Lately I've rediscovered the benefits of knitting, painting, music, imagination, listening, and just feeling.

The biggest distraction I'm working on letting go of is distraction itself. Meditation is coming along slowly, but I'm gaining good experiences from it. At the moment it's more of a weekly rather than daily practice. My meditations seem to leave me with questions rather than peace and clarity. I appreciate it as I enjoy the focus it gives me. (My days seem to be riddled with poor focus or a lack of focus altogether.) Hopefully one day my sessions will leave me with a few answers instead.

Last night's meditation took me up a hill in a forest (I always try to travel up in some way). There was a familiar dirt path that lead me towards the cottage. As I walked it, a small flickering light caught my eye off to my left. I walked over to it and discovered a small, amber-colored stone. When I picked it up, somehow I knew it needed to be cleaned, so I rubbed it. As I rubbed and polished it, I felt a bright sensation in my forehead. It took some time to clean it up, but afterward I felt better. By the time this was done, I was starting to lose my focus and felt tired. Right before I made it to the cottage, I sensed the woman with me. She told me it was ok to go to sleep. I would be able to come back later when I was ready.

Many of my meditations end that way: "You can come back when you're ready." It's not negative, though; it's conveyed with love and patience. I guess it's hard work getting ready to listen, eh?

An Exercise to Slow Down During Busy Times

I decided to take a moment for myself today because it was so busy. I felt mentally disorganized and overwhelmed, even though there wasn't much externally or internally that was stressing me.

I simply opened up a new document in Notepad and began writing what I could sense right this moment. I only used my five senses, no opinions or assumptions allowed. After typing for a minute or two, I stopped and was able to relax/meditate for another minute or two. It was enough to get myself back in order. I've italicized the thoughts that I should have reigned in.

I am present. I hear a plane muffled by the buildings surrounding me as well as the air between myself and it. I hear the buzz of fluorescent light and the click-clack of my keyboard. The phone rings, and I'm triggered to answer.

I sit up straight. A song plays in my head, and my teeth chew gum. Elsewhere in the building a printer does its work as does a stapler. I stop. Gum to the trash, and fingers still, eyes closed. Hoping the mind can follow for a time. Subtle ambient noises prevents me from hearing my own breath. Another plane, distant.

Your exercise may be longer or shorter, depending on how long it takes you to focus. You could also opt to repeat an affirming phrase to help you focus.

Still in the Aether

I feel as if you are waiting for me
Patiently biding your time until the right moment
We haven't met before
Yet I know your name, but nothing else
I wonder what you're like...
How does your laugh sound?
Will you be ambitious or cautious?
A feeler or thinker?
A sensate or intuitive?
What do you want to do with your life?
Which lessons have you chosen to learn?
Whenever you are ready, I will be waiting
I will know you when I see your eyes