Escapism!

There. I said it. It's been creeping up on me again this week. The fantasies are always the same: A series of unlikely events or actions lead me to become close with an unlikely person. But is it really so unlikely? Just today I read about letting go. If I let go of fear and believe that any outcome is possible, the world becomes much more positive and inspiring. Nothing is impossible! But... It also means that I have to let go of my fantasies and go with intuition instead. I want to be more understanding, but fantasies are such a nice, warm blanket when the rest of the world is cold... In the end they are nothing more than future scenarios that did not come true (there's no sense in changing the past), even if they are far-fetched.

Letting Go

I find it is becoming easier to let go. Over the past few weeks I've begun to exclude many non-important activities in favor of more fulfilling pursuits. My routines are far from perfect, but I've felt much more congruent internally than I have compared to the past few months. Lately I've rediscovered the benefits of knitting, painting, music, imagination, listening, and just feeling.

The biggest distraction I'm working on letting go of is distraction itself. Meditation is coming along slowly, but I'm gaining good experiences from it. At the moment it's more of a weekly rather than daily practice. My meditations seem to leave me with questions rather than peace and clarity. I appreciate it as I enjoy the focus it gives me. (My days seem to be riddled with poor focus or a lack of focus altogether.) Hopefully one day my sessions will leave me with a few answers instead.

Last night's meditation took me up a hill in a forest (I always try to travel up in some way). There was a familiar dirt path that lead me towards the cottage. As I walked it, a small flickering light caught my eye off to my left. I walked over to it and discovered a small, amber-colored stone. When I picked it up, somehow I knew it needed to be cleaned, so I rubbed it. As I rubbed and polished it, I felt a bright sensation in my forehead. It took some time to clean it up, but afterward I felt better. By the time this was done, I was starting to lose my focus and felt tired. Right before I made it to the cottage, I sensed the woman with me. She told me it was ok to go to sleep. I would be able to come back later when I was ready.

Many of my meditations end that way: "You can come back when you're ready." It's not negative, though; it's conveyed with love and patience. I guess it's hard work getting ready to listen, eh?

An Exercise to Slow Down During Busy Times

I decided to take a moment for myself today because it was so busy. I felt mentally disorganized and overwhelmed, even though there wasn't much externally or internally that was stressing me.

I simply opened up a new document in Notepad and began writing what I could sense right this moment. I only used my five senses, no opinions or assumptions allowed. After typing for a minute or two, I stopped and was able to relax/meditate for another minute or two. It was enough to get myself back in order. I've italicized the thoughts that I should have reigned in.

I am present. I hear a plane muffled by the buildings surrounding me as well as the air between myself and it. I hear the buzz of fluorescent light and the click-clack of my keyboard. The phone rings, and I'm triggered to answer.

I sit up straight. A song plays in my head, and my teeth chew gum. Elsewhere in the building a printer does its work as does a stapler. I stop. Gum to the trash, and fingers still, eyes closed. Hoping the mind can follow for a time. Subtle ambient noises prevents me from hearing my own breath. Another plane, distant.

Your exercise may be longer or shorter, depending on how long it takes you to focus. You could also opt to repeat an affirming phrase to help you focus.